I'm sorry I've been so quiet on here lately, but it's very hard trying to put the way I feel into words. It's so hard coming to terms with the fact that Logan will be having a major open heart surgery in just a matter of days. I don't think anything can prepare you as a parent to deal with something like this. It's evident that hundreds of prayers are going up for Logan and us because my fear has slowly been replaced with peace. I'm still a bit anxious (looking forward to with dread... not to be confused with eager :P), but I know that God is with me.
One thing that I've tried to avoid is asking or accusing God... I don't really feel the need to ask "why?" or "why him?" or "why us?" In the 9 months of having Logan here with us, I think I have figured part of it out myself. God gave Logan a special heart because he truly has a special heart. He touches everyone he crosses paths with and brings joy to so many people. One great example is when we participated in the Directed Donor program through the Red Cross last week. The surgeon ordered 4 units of red cells and 1 unit of platelets so Jason, Ellen, and I all went in to donate on the same day. Logan was with us and all of the nurses fell in love with him. He walked around the waiting area with Ellen and when we left, everyone I saw had a smile on their face. The last person to donate blood was the office manager from my chiropractor's office. When I went in for adjustments, she would hold Logan and walk around with him and I think she kinda fell in love with him :). I just can't get over the fact that she, someone we didn't even know 6 months ago, was willing to give blood - life - to my son. There are no words that I can express to tell her how grateful I am. God is so amazing and never ceases to surprise me.
The nurses asked me to send in a picture and story to tell why we gave blood. They want to put stories up on a wall to encourage other people to donate. I don't think it would take anything more than one of Logan's smiles to convince someone to give blood :).
I could go on and on about the lives he has touched... people at my work are in prayer for him and have added him to prayer lists all over the country. Family and friends spanning from Washington state all the way down to Florida and across the ocean in England are praying for him. He is a precious, loved little boy! I pray that this surgery will be the last one he'll need and that he will be completely healed. I know he will have a powerful testimony :).
I'll end this post with a bit of scripture that I absolutely love... I've read it many times before I got pregnant, but now it holds a completely different meaning to me:
13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, 16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. - Psalm 139: 13-16
Now that I'm all weepy, I'm going to head to bed. Please keep us and especially Logan in your prayers leading up to his surgery. He has been coughing today and has a bit of a temperature :(. I hate to see him not feeling well... and besides that, if he is sick or has a fever when we go in for pre-op, they will have to reschedule his surgery.