The word for the past couple of weeks is Hormones. While I was pregnant, I was pretty much normal the entire time. I got tired and nauseous and whatnot, but Jason had it easy. I was rarely moody and I felt like myself the whole 9 months. That changed drastically after Logan was born. It first hit me the night we came home from the hospital when breastfeeding wasn't working very well. I broke down and had a good cry because I was so frustrated. I was ok after that until Wednesday when my parents went home. We got up early to drive them to the airport, but we didn't leave as early as I had hoped we would. I was stressed out the whole drive to the airport because I was worried they wouldn't get there on time. We only got stuck in traffic once and the rest of the trip was "smooth sailing". I walked them into the airport and had to say goodbye and that was SO difficult. They had been so helpful during their stay and besides that, I really enjoyed their company and loved having them around. It was just hard to see them go. Once we left the airport, I got a text from my mom saying something was wrong with their plane. It took 2 hours for it to be fixed and their layover in Salt Lake City was only an hour, which meant they would miss their connecting flight. Once in SLC, they had to wait about 9 hours before they were able to get on another flight to Boise... and from there, they had a 3 hour trip home. I felt really bad for them and was stressed about it all day.
On top of my parents leaving, Jason decided to go in to work for half of Wednesday, so it was my first time being home alone with Logan. Everything combined with my hormones made me feel like I had multiple personalities. I cried about EVERYTHING. I've never cried so much in my life. It was pretty horrible. Since then, I've felt normal but I'm sure I'm not completely out of the woods yet :).
Adjusting to having a baby in the house has been a lot different than I expected. He sleeps pretty good, but only for about 3 hours at a time. He's been going to sleep around 1am and then gets up every few hours for feedings. Last night he went to bed at 11 and I was shocked. I wasn't tired yet, though, so I couldn't get to sleep, gah. It's amazing how quickly your world gets flipped and you're following someone else's schedule. Logan and I are both making adjustments so I'm hoping by the time I go back to work at 6 weeks, we'll both have things figured out... at least a little more than we do right now :).
If you read my Post Delivery entry, you'll know we had a rough start to breastfeeding. He now latches on and eats like a champ :). We did buy some ready-to-eat formula bottles just in case, but he's breastfeeding 90% of the time. My milk took about 4 days to come in and when it did... holy milk, Batman! Jason has made jokes about my new "enhancements" and I feel like they're a bit out of control :). I'll have to be extra conscious about what I wear when I go back to church and work, ha :).
My body is slowly morphing back to "normal". It's strange not having a huge belly anymore, but what's left is excess skin and water retention. My uterus is going back to its normal size and I still get contractions almost every time I breastfeed. My incision is healing nicely and it's much easier to get up and around now. I can walk without cringing in pain. I ran out of painkillers about 4 days ago and it was rough for the first day or two off of them, but now I'm doing alright. I still can't sit straight up (from lying down) in bed yet, but my abs are getting stronger so I just have to be patient :). Here's a pic of me at 2 weeks postpartum... I'm posting it against my better judgment so please be kind ;).
Even though my hormones have been a little wild and I've been pretty stressed out lately, I'm trying to celebrate the small victories. Here are some of the things that fall into that category:
- I'm able to take a shower nearly every day... it's on Logan's nap schedule, but I usually have at least 30 minutes :)
- Most of the swelling in my body is gone - I can now see my ankles and feet and my calves also have some shape to them. I haven't seen these things in months!
- I can wear my wedding band again :)
- I'm eating 3 meals a day and hopefully I won't start forgetting again
We took him to the cardiologist last week as well and he had to get another ultrasound. The hole in his heart is still there, but it's smaller and we're praying that it will close on its own. We have to go back for another ultrasound next week and we're praying that there will be a difference. They are keeping a close watch on his heart, which gives me a little peace of mind, but I still check him multiple times when he's sleeping to make sure he's breathing alright. I guess the worrying comes with the territory of being a mom :).
Logan seems to be getting more alert each day. His eyesight seems to be improving too. Sometimes when he's lying in his Pack 'n Play, he will just stare at the stuffed elephant. He'll also stare blankly at nothing, but that's beside the point ;). Since he was born, he has tried to get his thumb in his mouth and it's a challenge for him. He usually ends up with knuckles or his arm in his mouth because the thumb always gets away. We try to help him sometimes but He doesn't quite understand what we're doing so he gets upset :). It's still cute to watch him, though.
Anyway, I think that's about all I have for now. Here are the development details from my email newsletters :).
**A whole week has passed, but doesn't it seem more like a lifetime? As you're adjusting to feedings and getting by on less sleep, your baby is also adjusting to his new world. He sleeps in short naps, wakes to feed, and spends some time quietly alert before drifting off to sleep again. Babies' eyes focus best on objects between 8 and 15 inches away – not coincidentally, the distance to your face when held in your arms.
Your womb was a warm and cozy environment, and it takes time for your baby to adjust to the various sights, sounds, and sensations of life outside your body. You may not be able to detect much of a personality just yet as your baby spends his time moving in and out of several different states of sleepiness, quiet alertness, and active alertness.
The only way your baby knows to communicate is by crying, but you can communicate with him through your voice and your touch. (He can now recognize your voice and pick it out among others.)
Your baby probably loves to be held, caressed, kissed, stroked, massaged, and carried. He may even make an "ah" sound when he hears your voice or sees your face, and he'll be eager to find you in a crowd. **
The only way your baby knows to communicate is by crying, but you can communicate with him through your voice and your touch. (He can now recognize your voice and pick it out among others.)
Your baby probably loves to be held, caressed, kissed, stroked, massaged, and carried. He may even make an "ah" sound when he hears your voice or sees your face, and he'll be eager to find you in a crowd. **
Sorry this is so long, but I'm trying to catch up. I'll try to get back to posting weekly, but I can't make any promises :)... my schedule is kind-of determined by Logan right now ;). Here's the little bug sleeping... *melt* :)
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